2/14/2013

I never found a companion that was so companionable as solitude.
                                                                           ---Henry David Thoreau


Hmmmmmmm.

I think ol Thorie got it right.

          Because with all that peace and quiet on The Day, it is far easier to dream of a nice, relaxing chocolate bath.

I think that's pretty damn companionable also.

*** *** ***                                *** *** ***                           *** *** ***

But no, I hear the pipes.

And on the day, just as any other, this broken doll will dance.

Ever twirling.

Alone - I weave between the couples with ease , feet slapping on polished wood.

And leaping and twisting, I will rise above them.

Their pairings of gauze will crumple and their tenuous connections will shudder as they gaze upon me.

Their murmurs, but a hum beneath the rising strains of music.

The dance will stop; their steps frozen against the beat.

They will look up to see me spinning.

For I am not alone.

I have chosen my consort with careful purpose.

My intricacies of movement are mirrored to perfection by the one who knows me best.

Myself.

[*** End Transmission ***]

2/15/2013

ME: WOAH! You really lost it there, didn't you?

me: What are you talking about???

ME: Don't get me wrong! You had me with the whole 'chocolate bath' thing. That was brilliant!

me: I figured....

ME: But then you went all free verse and stream of consciousness. I needed a chocolate bath after just reading it.

me: What are you talking about? It was pretty.

ME: I mean rambling on about...well you know...

me: I know 'what'?

ME: You know...you know...(*whispers*)...maste...

me: What? No! NO!!!!!!!!!

ME: Well you could have fooled me...all that 'dancing with yourself'. It could be taken the wrong way...

me: Who is really going to think that?

ME: Well, I thought it!

me: IT wasn't that at all!!!!!

ME: Please - it's not like it isn't a road well traveled...

me: Just stop!

ME: I mean if you are going to give your manically gleeful Id a voice, you take your chances.

me: No. It wasn't that at all. It was about choices. It was about choosing solitude over false relationships. It was about soul mates.

ME: Really? All that??? Hmmm....I'm still getting the other thing.

me: I know people who can't dial 'Oh god! The love of their life!!!' without scrolling through their cell phone...

ME: BOOTY CALL!!!!!

me: I just think a romance should be built on a stronger foundation than two chardonnays and a smile.

ME: So this soul mate thingy?

me: Right.

ME: And not the booty call thingy.

me: Yes.

ME: And this soul mate is... yourself?

We really are back to square one then...

me: No! It just means I don't believe love is a thing taken lightly. Something to have, just to have.

ME: Well everyone thinks that you are sad and whatnot and probably on the verge of going blind.

me: Well, I'm not. Not really.

ME: The sadness or the blindness?

me: BOTH!!!!!!

ME: So - it is all about this soul mate and true love.

me: Love is a conversation that is started one day out of nowhere and finished on your very last.

ME: Interesting.

me: My biggest fear is to discover one day - instead of love - there is silence.

Emptiness.

ME: Ok. I can see that.

me: Just like in life, in love, my greatest fear is that someday - I will run out of words.

ME: And in true love, you never run out of words.

me: Even in times of silence, there would be meaning. There would be words to come.

ME: And that's this lovey soul mate thing?

me: right

ME: And you do realize you found your soul mate, don't you?

me: yes

ME: Like AGES ago!!!

me: yes

ME: And everyone you know knows it...

me: yes

ME: And you know it...

me: yes

ME: And even they - the aforementioned soul mate - know it...

me: _yes

ME: And you don't do anything about it?!?!?!!!

me: _no

ME: You know - this free wheeling Dorothy Parker emulation lifestyle you lead has its drawbacks...

me: I know

ME: So should I pour the second glass of 'Afternoon Chardonnay'?

me: _please

ME: You know that's two...

me: ummm...

ME: And you always have 'ME'

me: What are you implying?

ME: *SMILE*

me: *sigh*

[*** End Transmission ***]


Addendum: The Day (After) Afterword

I wasn't particularly sad or happy when I wrote about 'The Day' (on The Day)

I just had an idea stuck in my head. Ideas beget words and then those words invite their friends over and then pretty soon someone's Mom or Dad is going to be pissed because they left very explicit instructions.

So you have to let the words out or they get stuck and break a lamp.

Even if those words are not really the words du jour.

I woke up and felt that I left 'The Day' really heavy. I wasn't feeling heavy.

So then this idea of not wanting to be heavy got stuck in my head.

It is like getting a song stuck in your head. At first it is nice, then it starts to hang posters.

And no - not Billy Idol. *ahem*

Mazzy Star 'Fade into You' is the worst offender.

The only way I can get that out of my head is to have a full 90's movie montage with myself.

I look longingly at myself through the window of a train as it pulls out of station while myself looks back standing in a grey drizzle.

As you can see - it is a complicated process.

So I felt the need to exorcise the heavies with the light.

My own inner Abbot and Costello of conflict.

Much easier.

For the record, I did not drink two glasses of Chardonnay on 'The Day (after)noon'. I wrote it on a commuter train on the way back home.

For the record, I rarely have ANY Afternoon Chardonnay, even on Friday, which is my early day.

Rarely.

For the record, I did not end on the punchline 'Wanna dance?' because it was too heavy-handed. (Also I looked up and someone was staring at me. EEEEP!)

BACKSPACE!!!!!

And even though 'The Day(s)' became a mixing of shadow and light - it is always interesting to see which ME/me comes out on top. One always plays the Devil's Advocate, the comedic foil, or the B*tch.

The one that loses - well - that always seems to be the true 'Me' of the moment.

Hmmmmm...maybe I was feeling a little heavy...

Love,
Me